This is the life.....

Well here I am, still at my sisters house. I think we are half way through month 5?

Trying to find a house has been a gong show for us and I am starting to get a little tired of the nonsense, It seems every time we find a house the weirdest things happen and we don't get it. We are working on one right now, the offer was made and it was accepted....but we are going on week 4 of trying to figure out the financing which should be a open and shut case but for some reason the banks keep wanting more...more info, more everything. It has been unbelievably frustrating! When we decided to move out of Rocky I didn't want to go, we all know that. But I prayed hard about the decision we were going to need to make, we went to the Temple, and still nothing. I then asked for a blessing, I find comfort in blessings since I often receive the answers I am looking for through them, I find for me they are a great source of communication between me and and the Lord, he tells me things that only he would know since many of my thoughts stay my thoughts, and things that no one would know but him, only he knows the depth of my heart, and I love that, it is a complete conformation that what I know is so true and that God does live and he does hear my prayers, a wonderful gift I hold dear.

During this specific blessing I was told what I needed to do and that all the things I was worried about would work out and everything would be taken care of. Well, to make a long story short...Things in Rocky did work out, all my day home kids found new day homes, I was able to get my house packed up by myself, I did it despite being left for a month since Mitch left a month before we were scheduled to move, and I was day homing up till the Friday, we moved Saturday. Anyway, that all went fine and dandy..I said good bye to my wonderful life I knew and moved with the faith of knowing that something better was on its way and a new life for me to start living was waiting.

Well, we ended up homeless due to events and that is why we ended up living with my sister, we had a house lined up but it went and sold under our noses so that was that. We have since had a run of bad luck like no other, not only is the house finding thing been a trial all in its own but Mitch took a pay cut to take this job, and not just a little one, a biggish one. We did this knowing that its a promotion for Mitch and with in a few years his income will double...its just getting there. Not only did we loose his income but we lost mine as well, it was a long road for Mitch and I to get to where we were in Rocky and we worked hard to get to where we were.

We lived with my parents for 4 years trying to get Mitch through school, we then moved into our own house just to have to move out to Rocky 6 months later, and we then had to live with Mitch's parents while we were trying to find a house in Rocky...We finally got to Rocky and we were doing good In Rocky in every aspect..things were good.

We are now, homeless and poor...and I mean really poor! we have not been this poor since I am sure the first few years of our married life, I feel like we have just gone back to where we worked so hard to get out of, living with family and pukey poor!! Sitting in limbo, not going anywhere, living 45 min outside of the town where our life is waiting to start sucks I want you to know that.

The gas for driving back and forth alone is killing us. We decided to put our kids in school in Pincher Creek because I did not have the heart to put them in school in Cardston where my sister lives, just for them to make friends and be yanked out when we move and have to start over again..But this has been hard on the kids too, they get up a hour earlier then usual and they go in with Mitch every day and they don't get home till 5 at night. They miss all the birthday parties they get invited too because of the drive, and the after school activities and Coltons sports are starting and practices and things like that are making it hard..Not to mention when it snows I have a heart attach with Mitch on those back roads with 4 of my kids. And never mind that I have gained at least 10 pounds living here, not sure if it is the lack of exercises that I have or the stress or the thinking that life is a constant party with my sister, either way, I am trying to get rid of it so I can fit in my clothes properly and its not working..I need a gym and control over what food comes into my home ;)

I just want to move and start this life that we are meant to start, I am mentally drained and soooo done and all I can think about is I just want to have my own house for Christmas...and that a house is soo close I can taste it and if it does not work out I may just loose my mind. The sad thing is we were told we were approved so we were excited but then it came back that they wanted more stuff before the final approval, seriously are you serious??? ya they were serious. SO here we still sit, waiting, and waiting, for my own life back, to have my own house to clean, my own laundry to do, my own stuff to organise and so on..not doing laundry and cooking and cleaning for 12 people anymore..... :P

Don't get me wrong, I love Dina, she has been wonderful and probably the easiest person to live with, I am not even kidding and I am sure she could not say the same about me, I am more of a I like to be in control of my life, I like things done a certain way and if things are out of sort and I don't have order I get cranky, and with 12 people living in a house it is hard to have order, it is hard to have control over how your house hold is run when it isnt your house and nothing in it belongs to you. But thank goodness Dina is a much sweeter more patient person then I am and I love her, it does not bother her when the house is a mess or the laundry is pilled up to the ceiling and there is dished to be done, she is the kind of person who thinks "I will do it when I feel like it, it will get done, no worries"...she is a good person. And really she should go straight to heaven for her wonderfulness of putting up with me. It is fun hanging with my sister but I need my own house, and my own space and my own family...and Dina and James need their house back and their own family time too.

So here I sit, hoping that things work out and if they don't then I will have to accept the Lords will in what it is he feels is right for us.

I know that we all have trials and I feel so silly that this has been mine, the hardest thing I have ever mentally and emotionally have had to do, it has pushed my faith and my cheery attitude to its limits. I know when I think about it there are soo many worse things I could be going though, and then I feel like a spoiled brat for thinking what I think. And why this time has been so much harder then all the other trials in my life I don't know, we have spent that last 13 years struggling with speed bumps all along the road of our life, mostly financial and our living arrangements and things breaking down at very inconvenient times, or getting pregnant with my last 2 kids when were were far from trying to get pregnant, all while living with my parents so sick with these babies I was sure I was going to die.

But despite all that I know I am blessed, and I know my life is good, I have a wonderful loving husband who is so patient with everything and he loves me despite all my weaknesses, he allows me to be who I am and always supports me in what I feel is important for me to do, for me and our children, and tells me I am beautiful every day and I am so thankful for that.

I have 5 wonderful children that drive me crazy sometimes but were blessed with a loving nature like their father. I have the most amazing friends, I have many all around me that are very close to me and I love them all, I was raised in a good home with great parents who taught me to be independent and open minded, to have compassion for all walks of life. I love all my siblings, I enjoy each and everyone of them and I love being together with all of them.

I like to be happy much more then I like to be cranky, I like finding joy in things, mostly things that are fun for my kids, I like watching them have fun in things, I love watching them be kids and do kid things, finding joy makes me happy, sometimes that is hard to do.

I know this is such a small part of my life and it will pass and then I will feel bad for complaining about such trivial things....But seriously, can it end now please, can I just find a house?? That is all I ask out of life...to be happy with what I have and to not want for more then what I have, but until I have a house I have a feeling that I won't quite be fully cheerful.

So that is my rant for the day...Soon enough things will be better and I will be my old self again...."soon" being the word of the day...the word I will cling to, hold on to and keep close to my heart because this was the word that was used when I was told of my many blessing that await me...in my new life, in Pincher Creek. good luck to me!